No baby. Yet.
I appreciate the many phone calls, texts, messages, etc and I promise if I haven't or didn't respond it's not that I don't care or appreciate you all reaching out. Just some days I'm feeling more emotional than others and talking about it is kind of the last thing I feel like doing. And crying. Ugh, crying. I hate crying in front of people and so sometimes it just to completely avoid the inevitable that is about to spill out over my eyes. But I promise, no news is, well, no news. And while I probably wont hop online and announce that I've had a baby the moment it happens, I promise to make the media world aware of his existence within 24 hours of his arrival (though probably towards the latter of the time frame). I know many of you are as anxious as us and we really appreciate the love and support you all have given us!
Today I am 41 weeks 2 days. I went in for my final doctors appointment and we discussed the idea of being induced. I'm as stubborn as my son and so I decided to hold off as long as I am allowed to. That being said, 42 weeks is the longest I'm allowed to go, and since Sunday the doctors have 3 c-sections planned, I'm set to be induced Saturday at 11am if he doesn't come before then. I really hate the idea of being induced and I haven't exactly been able to pin down as to why. The thought makes tears well up in my eyes. It probably has a little something to do with it being out of my control (something I really struggle with--I'm a control freak). It's frustrating and I keep going back and forth between trying to enjoy these last few days of being a mom of one and being an emotional mess because it really is hard being this pregnant. We're adding this new little addition to our family and it's exciting, but along with that comes a lot of physical exhaustion and physical pain. I'd love to help convey why it's so miserable physically but it's not exactly a topic appropriate for an open forum. Just imagine feeling like you're being stabbed with a knife over and over in places you'd really not like that to happen (is there any place someone would want that to happen???). But if I'm trying to find the silver lining to all of it, I am having a baby--one we've dreamed about and hoped to add to our family for quite some time now. Someone the other day pointed out to me that he can't stay iin my stomach forever. And so while everyday does truly feel like forever, it'll be over sooner than I realize. Also, this may seem like a ridiculous happy thought but, I got to set the time for my induction which will hopefully mean a relaxing morning of getting ready to go (and I also made my husband promise me pancakes at Penny Ann's. I feel like that makes the idea of getting induced a little bit more appealing. Read: eating my feelings).
I also had a non-stress test done today to make sure that baby boy was doing okay in that cozy paradise of his. I'm not sure why everyone talks about them as being awful (I suppose it's awful if you don't pass...because then you get induced right then and there). Basically I got to lay down in the biggest, most comfiest lazy boy I've ever seen, in a dark, small room. They put two little wire things on me and brought me all the juice I could ever want (I am basically obsessed with orange juice and take full advantage of anytime someone offers me it for free). I basically half slept for the 40 minutes it took. I needed to score at least a 5 in amniotic fluid and I scored a 14 so he has more than enough. He also handled contractions very well. The only reason they made me stay the whole time was because they needed him to wake up to see his response to a contraction and he stubbornly wouldn't, no matter how many loud noises they made near his head. I didn't mind though. I suggested to my midwife that they needed chairs like that for labor and delivery and she asked how would they be cleaned? Touche'. Still, somehow we need to make that happen.
Anyway, the next few days would make for great birthdays. Tomorrow because he'd be born on the 16th, same as Penelope (but in August--easy to remember, right?), Thursday because it's St. Patrick's Day. At this point however, I'm just anticipating being induced and hoping a miracle happens.
Also, if I had a dollar for every time someone stopped to stare at me as I walk by, we'd be able to easily pay off our school loan. Just sayin'. #ImSoPregnant.
I can absolutely promise the next time you hear from me, our baby will be here! The end is nigh!