Lately I keep having “momentary lapses of judgment.”
Which is a running joke in our family to mean wanting another child.
I’ve been thinking of future baby #2 lately (and already thinking about baby names much to Jesse’s dismay) and I'm starting to consider some of the things I want to do differently with our next child…
For starters, I’ve finally decided I want to try to go natural again. My labor lasted for 23 hours but had Penelope not been posterior I would have given birth to her, start to finish, in roughly 7 hours. So in reality I actually had a fast labor. And since Penelope was my first baby (they say they are the longest and hardest) I can probably safely assume my next labor will go fast (which I am so grateful for.) Had I not gone 6+ hours stuck at a stinking 9cm I would have birthed Penelope the way I intended. My experience was still wonderful, but I can’t get over how I was only 1cm away! I have something to prove to myself. And so, I intend to try again, all natural.
I definitely want to try breastfeeding again even though it was so stinking hard! I managed to nurse Penelope for nearly 3 months before I made the decision to stop entirely. I was suffering from post-partum depression and after spending a great deal of time contemplating what was fueling it I realized it was breast feeding. It hurt, I was tired from very little sleep and being anemic, there were certain complications that made it difficult (it’s a bit TMI so if you’re curious to know feel free to send a private message at my email firstname.lastname@example.org or via facebook), my daughter legit ate for at LEAST an hour and a half each feeding making sleep, eating, really anything, nearly impossible, and while I’m sure I was being a bit hypersensitive, I had too many people judging me and making comments because I was struggling with it. It was too overwhelming for me. For me it was seriously one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made. I cried so many days feeling like a failure. I wanted to give my daughter the best nutrition there is but not at the cost of my happiness (and frankly, my sanity.) Despite this…I want to try it again. Because even though it was rough, it had its wonderful moments. I just hope it will go more smoothly with future baby #2. So I definitely plan on breastfeeding again, as long as it is healthy for the baby AND me. (And for the record, I was correct. Days after I stopped nursing my PPD was nearly gone!)
I wish I had taken more pictures of Penelope as a newborn. I also wish I had gotten professional pictures so I could always remember her tininess. I was a bit preoccupied and overwhelmed by being a new mom (and dealing with my PPD) that it kind of slipped my mind. So pictures as a family with future baby #2 is a must. Oh and I might as well add here-- journal more as well.
I will cuddle the heck out of future baby #2. I cuddled Penelope, don’t get me wrong. But being so tired, I often felt like I spent a lot of time looking forward to her sleeping so I could put her in her own bed. Now Penelope is NOT a cuddler (is that a word??) She likes to sit on my lap and play with me but cuddling is out of the question. The minute I try to hold her close to me she starts protesting (much to my dismay.) The rare moments she allows me to (super tired or feeling under the weather) I take full advantage. Like seriously. The world stops. I don’t care if there is somewhere I need to be or do, If my baby wants to cuddle, we cuddle. No questions asked. Ever. I definitely think this is mostly part of her personality so I guess it’s technically out of my control. I guess I should just cross my fingers that future baby #2 is cuddlier.
And lastly, I think I want to try cloth diapers next time around. I always thought that scraping poop into a toilet was disgusting (nice visual image, eh?) but now I’m sure it wouldn’t faze me. Now that I’m desensitized I don’t really see a reason not to give them a try. For those who do use cloth diapers, what has been your experience with them?
I should probably mention that these aren’t necessarily regrets, more just some things I want to give a try the next time around that could maybe make life a little easier or save us a few dollars.
Make sure to look back later in the week! I will be posting about the things I will do again.
What are some things you wish you did differently?